she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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