final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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