he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
