Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
