I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
