My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
