I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
