im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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