i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
please come you make the beer taste better
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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