Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
