Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
