Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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