apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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