Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
