Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
