Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
