there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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