I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize