she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize