Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
