you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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