i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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