I need help removing her.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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