i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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