I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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