Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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