wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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