I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
