I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
