I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
