proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I fill condoms, not promises.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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