what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
