i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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