I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
