I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
