I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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