Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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