two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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