So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
