you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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