guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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