I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
