my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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