I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The air was thick with penises
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize