you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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