yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
