I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
