He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
