ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
