I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
