i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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