She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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