he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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