STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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