What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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