Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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