I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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