There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
