I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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