I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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