I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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