I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
