Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
