I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
