whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
