Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
