you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
