Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
