A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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