there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
